Parenting Through A Pandemic - Survival Guide
Parenting has challenges; there is no doubt about that but add pandemic to the mix and WHEW CHILD!!!! . Mommy guilt is high as we have taken on new roles as teachers AND caregivers. We are the lunch lady and the chef for dinner. There are working from home mothers and stay at home mothers who desperately need a break. Instead of saying who has it harder, I wanted to come together and give you some survival tips no matter your circumstances.
Photo by Agung Pandit Wiguna from Pexels
1.) Throw Mom Guilt Right OUT The Window - Now is not the time to be comparing yourself to other moms. So, someone bakes everyday, reads, showers and get the kids school work done. Meanwhile you can’t even think about doing one thing so you let your kids watch countless videos on youtube or movies. Who cares if your child’s first words are Netflix or Disney+ the only thing that is important is to keep the kids fed. The right thing to do is ALWAYS whatever works for YOUR family and YOUR sanity. That will look different for each house hold. For us our schedule is simple, get dressed for the day. Soon we will add more to that list but I don’t feel guilty when I see moms with color-coded schedules. That works for THEM and this works for me, neither is wrong.
2) Limit Online Consumption As Much As You Can I can see the irony in you reading my blog (thank you for that) I get it, social media and the internet is what connects us all right now and that is great. However we need balance. Scrolling through what other people are doing can intensify that mom guilt or reading the news too much can up your anxiety. Everyone deals with stress different. Some become super positive and motivated others battle depression and call getting out of bed a win. Those are both ok however, as much as we try not to compare ourselves we are human and we do it. I find that limiting my exposure on line helps my mental state. So Set boundaries. If you only want to watch the news in the morning and a friend txt you throughout the day. Say “Hey my boundary is only watching news in the morning and that way the rest of my day is free to focus on other things.”
3.) It’s ok NOT to be ok. What we are dealing with is. not normal. it’s ok to be in your feelings a little. It’s ok to extend grace to your children and let them be in their feelings a little. Last week my son had school work and I kept on trying to get him to do it. he just was not in headspace to deal with it. We both ended up crying. I didn’t hide my sadness and he didn’t either. We took that day to just be, I told him we can take a break and then we will be ready to do the work over the weekend and that is exactly what we did. You are entitled to feel overwhelmed, anxious, sad, frustrated. My goal in my home is to figure out healthy ways to deal with those feeling and then show my children how to do it. Somedays are easier than others and that is ok. be patient with yourself.
4) Find At Least ONE Thing That Makes You Happy Each Day. In the words of the great poet Maya Angelou”Every storm runs out of rain” make it your goal for your sanity to find ONE thing that made you happy and brought you comfort. It doesn’t have to be big, it can be the way your blanket had enough weight to make you feel like it was giving you a hug, the way your hair reminded you of your favorite plant as you looked in the mirror that day. WHATEVER you can find happiness in that makes life easier, especially when there are things you can’t control. My husband asks each one of us each evening what are three things that made us happy. Some days the kids just name a bug they saw on the sidewalk, other days they have a whole story of what we did that day. Finding joy in small things will help get you through this.
5) Connect To Your Inner Child It is time to be SILLY! glow stick dance party, the floor is lava, making slime outside, food fight outside, playing in the mud. Whatever you don’t have a problem with cleaning up afterward lol. Go for walks, play pretend. Let them have a break from school and just play. Take breaks, bake foods, eat a meal together as a family. Living In the moment like a child helps everyone stay calm and focuses on the now.
So there are a few things in my survival guide what about you? I reached out to a few of my friends some stay at home moms, Working full time from home etc and I asked them what is part of their survival guide. Although we are all different one thing we share in common is the goal of keeping ourselves and kids happy and healthy. So NO judging, if this stuff doesn’t work for your personality or household then read it and see how others do it differently. We are in this together and remember if you don’t have kids, give a friend with kids a call. We can use the adult conversation :)
Survival Tips From Other Parents
Brittany - I know I’m not the only one having a hard time with all this. One thing that’s helping me mentally is a morning MUST do list. My list is simple.
1. Get out of bed
2. Change clothes
3. Make coffee or tea
That’s it. Eventually I will add more to the list but that’s all I can handle right now especially since I have to mom.
Candace - Being outside has saved us. Lunch and sometimes dinner outside, bubbles, tag etc. We Live in Indiana so we just saw some sunshine. Just waiting until it gets hot enough to get the sprinkler going. My oldest son is three and my youngest is seven months.
Natasha - Parenting through a pandemic has looked like schedules(for expectations as a guide, not a law) and LOTS of free plat and life activities skills
Marissa - The number one problem for me is that I keep getting mad at myself for not being perfect or having them do their school work. I don’t want to mess up and have them fall behind. But really we all are adapting and I am doing my best
Melissa - Snacks and other bribes…still haven’t figured out how to successfully work from home full time, homeschool and take care of my other son at the same time. I think given a few more weeks I will get it down.
Jennifer - Letting go of small and routine rules. I am limiting screen time a little bit less as long as we get some time outside or being creative as well. I don’t count screen time when we are watching something together.
Jade - Let them be little. I had a brief conversation with my 4 year old about the virus then moved on. We are doing a lot of outside time, putting electronics down and focusing on our family. If he’s in a funk, I throw on a favorite movie of his and snuggle with him until he’s more of himself again. Picnics at the railroad, homemade play dough, lots of helping me in the kitchen.
Bethany - I have found to try and find a time of day that you all seem to be enjoying something together. I noticed a trend, it seems like when my husband is off from work and once it is dinner time we all seem more relaxed, focused and fun. All devices are off, everyone gathers in one common room and do one activity whether its just cooking, playing a game, watching a show, reading together to just talking. At that time of day, we don’t seem to be annoyed with each other or distracted, we just enjoy each other.
Dominique - Having somewhat of a routine has helped with my oldest with getting school work done. We’re done by noon. Then we do lunch, clean up. My youngest wants a nap by that time so he is down around 1. After that it’s whatever, Maybe go outside, read, play drums. Nothing strict in our routine but more so a rough draft outline. This is hard for kids too. They don’t understand why all of a sudden they don’t get to go to school but are seeing their teacher from an iPad. They don’t understand why we can’t go to the park on a nice day, to church or our usual fun places. Give them as much grace as you can
Beverly - I have switched to not waking them up and letting them wake up on their own in the mornings. This has really helped my three year old. We use to fight with her all morning while on a stricter schedule. I find she is more apt to do things agreeably on her time. This isn’t worth fighting over.
Radiance - Every morning I make it a point to watch something from the broadcast(JW) a music video, a talk, something to start my morning. I also go outside at least an hour a day
Hannah - We’ve found that being outdoors in our backyard or going for a walk makes us ALL feel better. We also have added paying hide and seek and a dance party to the end of our daily routine before bed. It makes us feel a little less anxious and a bit more carefree
Kyle - I’ve been treating this like we’re camping. Letting them do all the things we do when we camp. Those little boxes of sugar cereal like fruit loops and lucky charms, roasting marshmallows over the outside grill. That type fo thing. I remember when I was pregnant with my third and sitting in the airport I saw a mom with three boys traveling confidently by herself. I had to ask her, "how did she do it?” She said an airplane is no place for restrictions. I let them eat candy, drink soda, play video games. She said if it kept the peace and wasn’t dangerous she let it slide. She was right. My kids are excellent on planes because I follow this strategy. I figure the house is like an airplane, close and confining. Same strategy. My kids do school work, but I don’t sweat it. They know things are different. It doesn’t help their anxiety if I pretend nothing has changed and try to maintain the old status quo. Instead, I acknowledge things are different and treat the quarantine like a months-long camping trip.
MaryAnn - My kids love playing in the bathtub with shaving cream. They have fun and you can use it as a special prize
Janet - Quiet time for all...I don’t care what you do but we all need space. We also speak about the work day the night before so we can manage expectations with less stress. Even for a stay at home parent they need time to follow up on other things in the house (or hide.)
Camile - Alone time. You get an hour! I get an hour! We all get an hour! Alone time, to think my thoughts, is essential. Every day. We are together all day right now and I love my family, but before this quarantine, we got alone time. It's a need for me to feel some sense of normalcy.
Spring Makes Art - We have an eleven year old and fourteen year old. Two boys who are. growing fast. So we have eliminated the concept of breakfast, lunch and dinner and we call it “eat time” We eat as much as we can at one meal and then eat another meal later in the day. Some days we are only eating one meal and the kids are not complaining because they know we have to make the food last. We are trying to avoid the store as much as possible. They can also get a snacks.