Five Ways YOU Can Incorporate Diversity Into Parenthood

When it comes to being diverse in your house, the best-laid plan can detour. A few weeks ago, As I was getting my kids to sleep, I told my daughter it was time for bed. Tears welled in her eyes, and I thought it would be something as simple as she wanted to play a little longer. She told me, “Mom, I want dad to put me to bed because you can’t do it. My dad and me are peach, and we belong together, and you and Xander(my son) are brown and belong together” I remember thinking to myself, “WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT?” I kneeled, picked her up, and took her to her room to show her dolls of all different colors. I told her that even though they were all different, they were her babies, and she treats them the same. She puts them to sleep, feeds them, and plays with them. We don’t treat people differently because of the color fo their skin” She said ok, and we picked a book to read for the night, and that was that….not even close. My husband and I spent about a week reminding her that we don’t treat people differently and that it’s ok if she wants to have cuddle time with dad, but it has nothing to do with matching peach skin.

The truth is, these discussions can be uncomfortable if you never have them. This is a conversation that you will regularly need because they are learning and need to be taught. To get something ingrained in your mind, you need repetition. You are also battling against biases that are in the world that they see on the daily. So what is a parent to do? What are some ways that you can make sure your home and parenting are diverse? I am not going to share specifics here because goggle is a fantastic tool, but I will give you some basic principles that can help you on the right path. So grab a glass of your favorite beverage cause we are about to have a heart to heart here. No judgment, but education, and hopefully, you have an open mind, and this can help you start the conversations at home.

HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT RACES

We do not take a colorblind approach in our home you can check out why it is important to see color here. It enriches you as a person when you hang out with people from different backgrounds and life experiences. You help your children see that although we look different, there is no reason to TREAT people differently because of their skin color. It is up to you as a parent to find programs, friends, schools, etc. that have diversity. I know a white person who was FIFTEEN before he hung out with a person of color. That is not something that ANY minority that lives here in America will experience. It’s essential to see the world in a different light than your own. The ONLY way to do that is to listen to the experiences of people who don’t look like you. Then you can see the world in its entirety. 

TRAVEL

Travel is a great way to encourage diversity, and it doesn’t have to be a faraway country. The one great thing about America is that there are local places with people of a different ethnic background than yourself. Many towns have cultural fairs. You have to do some research (hello google) about your city. YOU have to be active in making sure you're reaching out and finding out about these different communities. When your children see different groups of people regularly, this takes away fear. Fear is what makes people angry and lash out with self-preservation in mind. When you travel, you see how other people live and the similarities and differences. IF you can go outside of the country, make sure you visit local places and don’t just stick to the tourist area. Get a feel of the local food and people. (make sure you research and even find a guide that can help you)

CUSINE

In our home, we have different cuisines from different countries. To make it fun, we learn about the country that we are eating the dish from. Better still, visiting a restaurant that makes Food from other cultures. (Listen, if you walk into a restaurant and don’t see folks from that culture eating there…RUN cause chances are it’s not good, and you will not get an authentic taste. Gentrification is a WHOLE other topic of discussion) ) Food is something that we all need to survive, teaching your kid how foods are cooked, how they taste, feel, etc. helps them not make faces when they see a school mate bring a lunch they aren’t familiar with. My son has texture sensitivity, and he doesn't eat everything we cook, but we do have “scientific taste test,” which encourages him to at least try the foods. We teach him that although he may not like it, others around the world love it, and we respect that. Remember, you don’t have to make a lavish meal or spend a lot at a restaurant. It takes initiative on your part, look up a dessert or candy from a different country and have a taste test even if the kids aren’t fans; it opens up some dialogue about how people from different areas like different things. This helps broaden their perspective on people and tastes. Cooking is also a time that you can spend together as a family and sit down at the dinner table together. These are perfect times to have conversations about race and cultures.

BOOKS, TV & TOYS

How many books and television shows does your children watch that showcases characters that look exactly like them? We are in the age of the internet and streaming, its a lot different then it was when I was growing up. We have a plethora of shows and books at our fingertips. Books and Tv Shows are ways that your child associates with people who look different from them and learn about different experiences in life and different cultures. The arts are a way that you really can open a child's mind and eyes to the world. Your local library can help you or even better visit a library in a neighborhood different than yours for storytime. Another great way is incorporating toys that look different than your child. If you live in a community where everyone looks like you, watch movies, read books and play with toys that all look like you, how can you expect a child to have empathy for a person that they have never seen? Children's programming has made leaps and bounds (still needs some work), but there are many shows and books that children can watch or read that will give them an accurate picture of how the people in this world live.

TALKING TO THEM

Talking to them seems so simple. You can bring up things in conversation, depending on your child’s age. It is great to talk to your children about race early. By 6 months of age, kids can tell the difference between skin color and facial features. Parents in black families talk about race very early because we have too. It’s uncomfortable at times, and no one has all the answers, but you can’t stay silent. When you see something in the news, on the street, etc, let them know its never ok to act like that. Google is a great source. And don’t wait until it happens. It would be best if you looked up stuff now so that you’re prepared WHEN the conversation comes up. You don’t wait until the day of birth to learn about what you need to do, you prepare. The same is with talking to your children about diversity and racial bias. The responsibility falls on the parent. 

Many parents get embarrassed when kids point or say something about people who don’t look like them. The problem isn’t the child. It has to start at HOME. Every parent owes it to their child to help them become the best that they can be. To do that, we need to educate them on racial issues and talk about it because it's out there. Your child may be my child’s coworker one day, and they need to know how to treat us as humans and that microaggressions are not “just jokes”