Girl Code & Dating…..Sis, Go On And Date Your Friends Ex. Here is Why.
There is an unwritten code among women, with its many rules, there is one that most people seem to agree. That is the one of NEVER dating a friends ex. NEVER EVER, EVER NEVER! Her is why I disagree with that. The point of dating is to figure out if you are COMPATIBLE with someone. If you have broken up (barring any physical, mental, emotional, sexual abuse), the person is fair game.
Just because it didn’t work out with YOU, what makes you think you can hold that person hostage and not find love elsewhere. I think the problem lies in the whole soulmate thinking. (You can check out why my husband is not my soulmate here) There isn’t just ONE person put on this earth for you to find. There are many different personalities out there that can mesh and work together. I think this “code” is rooted in jealousy and is a bit controlling. We look at a guy who says “If I can't have you then no one will” as someone who we should RUN FAR AWAY FROM(and you def should) so why is it ok for a woman to make a lifelong claim on a man that she no longer has interest in? I have seen women who are MARRIED to someone else, and their friend is single and hits it off with an ex of hers, and she cries “girl code” he is off limits…no SIS, you have moved on and got married. Let that man go and enjoy his life. If he happens to make a connection with a friend of yours, then wish them the best and move on.
“ You hold no invisible claim over anyone. It’s a double standard and one that needs to be left in this decade as we move on into 2020.”
My ex husband was not a good fit for me. He was a villain in my story, but I remember when he got remarried (not to a friend of mine), they stayed married until his untimely passing this year. Truth is, even though he was a villain in our story, he was a hero in hers. When it comes to dating, it’s a tricky situation since feelings are involved. But remember that feelings aren’t facts. The facts are that if they are an ex there was something in them that made you want to break the relationship.
I know some of you are reading this while rolling your eyes, but AMBER, what about LOYALTY!! The loyalty comes into play when your friend doesn't try to slide into DM’s while you are still dating. The loyalty comes into play when your friend comes to you and says :"hey, I really hit it off with so and so and I would like to explore that." Listen I am sorry if the dating didn’t work out between you and your ex, I really am but real talk…he was good enough to introduce your friends and hang out hang out with them while you were dating, and maybe, just maybe he was better suited for someone else(which you already know since he is your ex).
All in all, everyone deserves to find some happiness, and you never know who you will connect with(he may have a friend you gel with better than him). I am in NO WAY condoning trying to date your friends' man while they are still together, or stepping over relationship boundaries. I am, however, saying that the whole notion of a “girl code” when it comes to dating is outdated, and now with new forms of dating, there are so many nuances that go with it. You hold no invisible claim over anyone. It’s a double standard and one that needs to be left in this decade as we move on into 2020.