Mothers Should Feel All Emotions (Including Anger) Without Guilt

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Growing up in a household where there wasn’t a balance of anger, I longed to be at my friend's homes that were peaceful and quaint(compared to mine). I never saw their moms angry if they were, it was very minute compared to what happened in my home. As I became a mother myself, I would find myself feeling angry at different things, and I wouldn’t know who I could talk to about it without judgment.

“No one tells you that it’s ok to be angry, no one tells you that it’s ok to have your own feelings and that it doesn’t make you a bad mother. You can be angry and not act on that anger.”

Anger is a mixture of frustration, fear, anxiety, and the unknown. When you are a mother, you feel these feelings at different times or all at once. It's heightened when you have a special needs child. You aren’t angry at the child; you are mad at the circumstance. Motherhood can be a very lonely place at times, doesn't matter if you work outside the home or stay at home with the kids. When you have these feelings and no one to turn to without being judged(not many people can afford therapy or know where to look to find help) its no wonder that 1 in 10 kids will experience having a depressed mother in any given year.(this does not include PPD, PPA or PPP)

I know that I am a good mother and I know that I feel anger at times as well. Angry that my child has a hard time communicating, angry that there are times I can't understand what he is trying to say, and I see the frustration on his face, but I am not able to make it better. Angry that I get punched, kicked, slapped, spat on, and bitten when my child has a meltdown because he is overstimulated. Angry that I will make plans, and something happens to make those plans fall through. Angry that I feel lonely a lot of the time, and I have to power through because being a mom never stops. Angry that I feel angry because I wanted my children more than anything in the world, and I feel guilty for having my own feelings.

No one tells you that it’s ok to be angry, no one tells you that it’s ok to have your own feelings and that it doesn’t make you a bad mother. You can be angry and not act on that anger. During a meltdown, I am calm and collected. I know that If I show emotions, it will make the meltdown longer. My son is already having a surge of emotions he doesn't need to process mine as well. I talk soft, I give him space, I make sure he is safe. As soon as it is over, you better believe I try to find a safe space for myself to let MY feelings of anger out. I cry I pray, and I may journal if time allows. I have a surge of emotions as well that need to get out.

I wonder why men seem to get empathy when it comes to raising a child? A man can be out, and a child will act out in frustration, and everyone will comfort the father. A mother goes out, and the same thing happens, and she is judged. She is told to discipline her kid, among other things.

I am not writing this for pity; I am writing this for the mom that feels like me but feels like she is alone in those feelings. It's ok to feel the emotions you feel, what’s important is getting them out and talking about them. Motherhood is the one job that is selfless, and you give your all. Its an excellent job but one that people tell you “you had a child and all this comes with it, so deal with it” No one can raise a child ALONE. No Healthy person can stuff all their emotions down and not deal with them.

Anger is ok to FEEL. Its what you do with those feelings that are important. If you are feeling angry every day with no outlet that is dangerous, seek help as best you can. Seek out like-minded moms who understand your struggle and won't judge how you feel. Talk to a therapist or trusted friend to vent. Take a moment for yourself to take some deep breaths and ground yourself. Anger is ok to feel; we aren’t robots. Motherhood is painful at times, and no one talks about that. I urge you to explore ALL your feelings and figure out healthy ways to deal with them. THAT is what makes you human and at the end of the day, a better mom.