Pieces of Me: Surviving PostPartum Depression

Follow my blog with BloglovinFrom the moment that most mothers see the positive line on a pregnancy test, they are overjoyed. They are mentally preparing themselves for the wonderful thing that is Motherhood. Those 40 weeks seem to fly by and slow down at the same time. Once you hold your child, fireworks explode and you are instantly attached to this stranger that was once inside of you.

Or so they say. When my first son was born I felt that way, instant joy. Tears fell from my face as my smile became as big and bright as the sun. However, when my daughter was born there were no fireworks, no instant love. I remember just looking down at her and staring in silence. She was safe and I felt no emotion.

It wasn’t until she was three months old that I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD). I had friends who had it and to be honest I thought, Well maybe if they JUST had more help, or JUST went outside for a walk they would feel better and it would go away. BOY WAS I WRONG!

What is PPD?

post·par·tum de·pres·sion

noun

noun: postpartum depression; plural noun: postpartum depressions

1depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.

PPD affects 15% of new mothers or 1 out of 7. Also, Mothers, who live in a low social economic environment the rate shoots up to 25%. PPD can develop anytime after having a baby (Usually between birth and 2 yrs of age) Many mothers feel ashamed for having no emotional attachment and tell no one. Some feel like they are the worst mothers but that is not true. It's very easy to feel overwhelmed and guilty about not having an attachment to your baby.

For me, I started feeling an attachment to my baby girl at four months of age. The first three months were a blur I was just doing what I could to survive. PPD looks different for everyone. One thing that is common is just the feeling of being completely overwhelmed. There is no relief, even when you have help. Do not feel guilty if you have help and you still feel overwhelmed. My husband was/is amazing and I still didn’t want to wake up in the morning and have to deal with my kids. if I ran errands I would cry because I had to go home and take care of my babies. I breastfeed and I thought of literally throwing my child away from me because I didn't want to be touched by her.

That is when I KNEW I needed help. I nursed my son until he was 2 1/2 and never once did I feel that way. I was so sad that I wasn’t feeling that overwhelming joy and connection with my daughter. I made a doctors appointment right away. I told my doctor ALL the feelings I've been having, even the ones that made me feel so ashamed to have. I was diagnosed with PPD Nov 2016. I was put on medication to help me cope with my feelings. I was so against it at first, I usually try to take the natural route. Your mental health is important and as mothers sometimes we neglect ourselves.

Within 2 weeks of taking the meds, I could tell that I was in a better headspace. I was able to continue nursing my baby(10 months and counting) I was not afraid to drive a car for fear that I would continue to drive away from my family. I am thankful that my husband had my back during this time and never once made me feel like an incompetent mother.

So how did I survive PPD? Here are a few tips

Seek help and don’t feel ashamed
Keep communication open with your spouse or loved ones
Know that you are a great mom and PPD will go away, it’s only temporary
Seek out the help of a therapist to help you work through your feelings
Have you time, having a new baby we forget about ourselves but take at least 15 min a day to just be by yourself(read, listen to music, lay down in silence etc)
Seek out local support groups
Take it one day at a time, if all you have the energy for is to survive that day then, just do that
take a walk around your neighborhood and get some fresh air. it helps to change the scenery from your home

So often when you have PPD you don’t want to be around people but you also feel so alone and isolated and deep down you want to know that you are cared about.

If you are suffering from symptoms of PPD and not sure where to turn Please check out Postpartum Support International. They have a number you can call for support as well as visiting their website to find local support groups. http://www.postpartum.net

Just know you are not alone in this fight. If you are a friend of someone who has had a baby, reach out and let them know you are thinking of them. Make them a meal, drop by and help clean up or better yet let them take a nap.