Why The Strong Black Woman Troupe Is Harmful To Our Mental Health
“Don’t worry she’s got this!”
“Girl, I KNOW you will pull through, you always do”
“You always look like you have it together, I am sure you will figure it out”
These and sentences like them have been said to me all my life. I can remember being SIX years of age taking care of my two siblings(3 and 1) while my mother worked 3rd shift. I didn’t have time for a breakdown then and as I grew older I felt like I couldn’t have one either. Too many people depended on me. If I didn’t get stuff done then who will.
The strong black women stereotype is one that many deal with on a regular basis. We have to deal with it in our homes and families and even when we step out into the world. We are always ON. Making sure we don’t speak up too much because we MAY intimidate who we are speaking with. Checking what we wear because the curves we are blessed with may draw the wrong attention. We are TIRED! Think about it, wouldn’t you be tired if your entire race was looked at as being superhuman? The strong black women has to care for the needs of everyone around her, lifting them up to be the best they can be. She is always confident and will tell you off in a second. She is the mother caring for all her children and doesn’t need a break, ever. She is going through the stress of life but doesn’t need anyone because she always bounces back.
Realize that black women are NOT a monolith and that we all have different backgrounds, attitudes, ideals, morals, character. Treat us as individuals.
When we finally get up the energy to speak to a doctor we are not taken seriously. Did you know that a nursing textbook speaks about how black people specifically play up their pain? When you are taught racial bias from the start its no wonder that black women are suffering in silence. We see it everywhere in books, movies, music it’s even perpetuated in our own families. When we have had enough and FINALLY speak up for ourselves we are looked at as too aggressive or the angry black women. When in reality we have been pushed to our breaking point and its a cry for help.
IF and when you finally decide to get some medical help then its thrown in your face Just look at the example of Michelle Willams and her now ex-fiancee Chad Johnson. On their reality TV show Michelle was speaking about some grievances she has living as a black woman in the world and why she communicates the way she does he ex asked her “Did you take your meds today” in a sense silencing her because she must not have been in her “right mind” to feel the way she did.
I know that when I was growing up and went to therapy I was made fun of, I was told that black people don’t tell strangers their problems because you can’t trust them. The fact of the matter is, Black women are mentally exhausted because they feel obligated to put on this facade that they can do it all. Just look at the statistics, there is just over 13% of black people in the United States and of that number 16% have a diagnosable mental illness. Black teenagers are attempting to commit suicide far more than their white counterparts( 8.3 percent v. 6.2 percent)
Black women need to be seen as a person. People have MANY layers, we can be loving, strong, funny, vulnerable and gentle. We need to be treated with love and not just some troupe that you have seen of us in the movies. So what can you do? Well for starters before you vent about your life ask if the person can receive that information. All too often we word vomit over someone without checking on their mental health to see if they can even process it all. Realize that black women are NOT a monolith and that we all have different backgrounds, attitudes, ideals, morals, character. Treat us as individuals, if you see someone or know someone that is perpetuating the stereotypes of black women than call them out!
Check on your strong friend, chances are they would love to have a listening ear but no one has offered it. All anyone wants is to be heard, we want to be seen and loved. Remember that those stereotypes are not rooted in reality, anyone can be strong and anyone can have weak MOMENTS.
We need to see one another as complex individuals and treat each other with respect
